Scary Things, like they imply, are fucking (very, for those who don’t like swearing) terrifying. Recently, I’ve realized that I have done and I have been doing some Scary Things. With that realization came the next one: that Scary Things aren’t that scary, in reality. Now maybe it’s time for me to precise what I mean by “Scary Things”. It’s an action or an event that seems huge, is very much stress inducing, and that you need or want to do/actively participate in. And, for me, you can put scary things into two categories: the Scary Adult Things and the Personal Scary Things. Since I’ve mentioned that I’ve been doing those, I’ll share my experiences with Scary Things and show/explain why I think that, at the end of the day, Scary Things aren’t that scary.
Scary Adult Things
Not long ago, I turned 18. I became an adult under the law and thus came along some adult responsibilities. And adult responsibilities are exactly what Scary Adult Things are; new stuff that we must do because we’re now adults. The good thing is that they shouldn’t stay scary forever. We just have to do them enough times.
For example, I went to the bank the other day. All alone. Because I wanted to open investment accounts. Sounds a bit dumb said like that, but it stressed me out a little. I had to take an appointment (which wasn’t the scary part), and I had to show up—on time. Now, that was scary. I was indeed running a little late (because I had gone shopping before my appointment and I had underestimated Quebec City’s traffic and road work), but most importantly, entering a building or store that you aren’t familiar with, alone, without trying to disappear into the ground… Especially into a bank because it’s a more professional, no messing around kind of world (contrary to a shopping store). So yeah, it was somewhat scary, but I got my investment accounts. The advisor was very nice and engaging. Later during the winter, I’ll have a new bank appointment, and my only fear will be to be on time which will not be doing a Scary Adult Thing.
Phone calls—not my thing I can guarantee you that. Alright, I know I prefer texting over calling, but I’m not talking about phone calls from your mom or your friends. Again, when it’s a professional or a serious matter, I seem to lose all my composure. Ever asked yourself how you’re supposed to hold your phone mid-call while also processing important information and forming a respectable response? I hope I’m not the only one. In the end though, the other person cannot see you, so you can look like a mess (or you can put the phone down somewhere). Relaxing helps coming across more natural through the phone and turns the scary part into something manageable. I have no solutions when it comes to picking up the phone when it’s ringing, but I’m working on it.
Going out. Going out alone. Yeah, I’ve done that. Yes, I was shaking in my boots. The thing is as humans we all need to go out sometimes. It doesn’t need to involve human interactions, but it’s survival instinct to need a change of air or environment. It takes a very mentally ill person to go against that instinct and stay in. I live in a 450 square feet apartment alone. I love my place and I’m definitely not a people person, but even I go crazy within my four walls and need a change of air. So, I go out. I don’t have that many friends, but some of you guys are used to be in gangs. Nothing wrong with that, but I guarantee you, there will come a time where you will need to go out, and you’ll be alone. And, unfortunately, it is your responsibility as an adult to take care of yourself and go out even if you’re alone. Like I said, it doesn’t mean you have to go to a crowded place and talk with five strangers. It can be just a walk, an errand, or going outside in your backyard. What matters is moving away from the place that feels suffocating. Not long after my birthday, I went to a café bar. Not because I wanted a drink, but because it was too quiet in my apartment. I also needed to get some work which clearly wasn’t going to happen in my apartment with the same stale air that I had been swimming in for the past five days. But I was alone, without technically a good reason to go to a bar of all places. And it was dark outside, and I was just scared. But with the emotional support of one of my old teachers, I did it. I was the girl in the corner of the bar (that’s 240 meters away from my apartment building) doing her math homework, sipping a coffee. I stayed for almost an hour, and when I came back home, I didn’t feel like shit anymore. Another time, earlier in the semester when it was still somewhat summery, I was doing laps outside my building. I was just doing circles, getting some exercise in, but mainly, I was avoiding a mental breakdown that would have 100% happened if I had stayed inside. Good things can come from these outings too (more than just feeling better afterwards). For example, when I was doing laps, I saw a biker (motorcycle) parked in the school’s parking lot. He was just chilling on his bike. But… He was wearing his helmet, and he had nice arms (ifykyk), so I did 2-3 extra laps because of that. I’ve gone to events alone. At some, I got an entertaining show. At others, I bonded with English teachers (Hi guys!) So yes, learning how to go out alone is scary, but better learn how to do it than let it boil inside until it comes out at an unfortunate time.
Personal Scary Things
Personal Scary Things are experiences that directly affect you. The consequences — good or bad — are all yours. Scary Adults things, everyone will go through them one of these days. Personal Scary Things, while yes you can group them in types, will never be the same. They revolve around you but also start with you. It begins with a chance. More specifically, it begins with you taking the chance. And if the opportunity isn’t there, make one.
Send the email. If you’re confused and don’t know what’s happening, send an email with all that. If you don’t know who to send it to, try someone in the bunch. I’ve done that at the beginning of the semester. I’ve sent mios to the administration on the second floor like I was playing Russian roulette. If you’re polite and you admit that the email you’re sending is probably going to the wrong person, it’s going to be fine. People will redirect you to the right person. And let’s be honest, it’s an email. No one will come yelling in your face.
Still on the emails. The advantage of an email is that it softens every feeling. A rejection through email is less heartbreaking than if the person was actually in front of you and telling you no. So, if the worse case scenario isn’t so bad, what are we scared of? We’re scared of asking what we want, I’d say. In a way, it also feels intrusive. But that’s not how the receiver feels 99% of the time. I think we underestimate how nice people are. I’m a business student, and I chose math… Basically, that means I have no complementary classes (because my complementary classes are my math classes). Which kind of sucks. Because I’m a curious person and I like learning and would like to do more than just business and math. So I sent an email to a politics teacher asking if next semester I could attend his classes (if our schedules fit also) even though I wouldn’t be a student on his list. I felt awkward sending that mio since he doesn’t know who I am — we’ve just kept bumping into each other before and after classes. I thought it was a weird request coming from a stranger. I still sent the mio; I had nothing to lose here. His response was awesome in the end. He’s ready to welcome me next semester if our schedules align. It might sound like a small thing (and a very nerdy thing, I’ll admit that), but it’s a chance I took, and it paid off (for now).
Let’s talk crush now. And yes, this is what you can consider tea from my love life. But before we go there, here’s my little caution: check your intentions. Are you doing it for you? Are you doing it for him? Are you genuine or is this just a little fun something? I think you need a balance of both “for me” and “for him” although neither extreme is particularly good. But that’s just my opinion; there’s no wrong answer, only the one right for you. And the genuine thing is important. Do you mean it? What are you hoping to get out from it? Let’s go back to my biker from earlier. Not long after seeing him in the parking lot, I decided to give him a card and in it I wrote that I thought his bike was pretty (it was nice, black, and not the type of motorcycle I’m used to seeing), that he looked cool (he did, and yes, the arms helped a lot. The bike too lol), to drive safe and to have a nice day. I wasn’t expecting anything to come from it. I wasn’t hoping for anything either (just that the card wouldn’t get blown away by the wind). And I meant what I wrote. I just wanted to make him smile, and it made me feel giddy and also very weird to sneak up on an empty bike in the school’s parking lot. That’s it. And that’s enough. Now, back to my crush situation. I don’t come from here, so when I started at St-Lawrence, I was thinking the place would be full of cute guys. Turns out, the selection is pretty dry (sorry boys). So, I was a little disappointed, but my type isn’t a smart city kid (anyways I’m smarter), so it wasn’t that bad. So yeah, time passes and I’m a bit lonely. And a little past the hallway mark of the semester, I finally notice there’s a cute guy in my program (and we have a lot of classes in common). He’s handsome, he’s tall, he doesn’t seem so annoying — though I don’t know him. What can a girl ask for more? Now, I know he’s only just a proximity crush because I don’t know the guy, he probably doesn’t even know my name, and he’s not the kind of guy I usually go for. But I still wanted to find a reason to talk with him. So, I start strategizing. Plan A turns into Plan B. I tend to be very blunt, and I didn’t want to traumatize the poor guy. Plan B doesn’t feel like it’s good enough. So, I start feeling bummed out and I’m giving up a little. Then we have a presentation in class. Turns out, he’s even taller than I thought. (At first, I was estimating 5’11- 6’, now it’s probably closer to 6’2. Or I’m just very bad at ballparking heights.) So, the crush gets one last push and now I have a good excuse to come up to him. I want to know how tall he actually is (Plan C). I’m ready, I have my plan… And the timing keeps fucking up. One time I chicken out, the next time he’s absent, then I’m absent, after that we’re buried in exams. Finally, I get an opportunity… He’s surrounded by his friends. Now, his friends weren’t a problem, just not an ideal situation. But he’s tall, and his friends are also as tall if not taller. Love that for them. I’m 5’4, 5’6 with my heels, but I would still have needed to crane my neck up to make eye contact. It was intimidating. Then, I could have had a good opportunity, but I decided to prioritize a growing friendship rather than ask what my crush’s height was. So yeah, I’ve officially given up. It was becoming a lot of work and effort for a guy I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure he’s not the one I’ll spend my old ages with. I talked about creating opportunities for yourself and taking chances, but forcing life into something isn’t always great either. You’ll know it, when your gut is telling you enough.
I am disappointed that I didn’t get to talk to my crush because it would have been pretty cool to write about that here (especially since I’m writing about doing Scary Things. What is scarier than going up to your crush? But I guess I didn’t want it enough.) But! Ladies, I do encourage you to go up to your crush one of these days. And I can guarantee you that he’ll be 100% more scared of you, than you will be nervous of talking to him (if it can serve as reassurance).
At the beginning, I said that Scary Things weren’t that scary actually. Yes, you’ll be scared before till the moment it happens. But once you’re in it, you’ll just do fine. You won’t even think of your stress or your fear. Afterwards, you should feel great because you’ve just done something challenging, and it went how it went (which will be less bad than you imagined). I think we just need to learn how to manage our overthinking, fears and stress. We’re a lot greater than we realize. And people are sweet—they will help you, and they surely won’t be against you. Bad interactions don’t happen every Tuesday. Plus, if something bad does happen or someone is rude, you can tell them to go fuck themselves. You’re doing something 95% of people are too scared to do themselves. They don’t have the right to bring you down—not from where they’re standing.
Although I didn’t succeed in the crush department, this whole thing—this whole text—is bringing me back to the quote that kind of flipped my world upside down when I first heard it years ago. It goes like this: “Do it or don’t—you’ll regret both”. It’s by Søren Kierkegaard (which I just learned. I knew the quote, but not who had said it.) In the end, Scary Things are all about that. Which regret can you live with?
And if you think this is too scary, let me propose something even scarier: delete TikTok, and put a five-minute timer on Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook. Want to talk to someone? Use Messenger, call them, text their actual number—or go see them.
