I don’t know how to begin exactly. It feels like I have to write something big, something theatrical. It’d be fitting, since this will be my last post here, and here was the first place where I really got a chance to share my ideas, or at least feel like I could. I got to write my first short story, my first poems, my first essays outside of class… That’s twelve posts in total over the span of two years (plus this one). All of these texts and I wanted to look back to see how proud I really am of my own work and amelioration.
The links to all of my previous texts will be available at the bottom!
#12 – Our Panem et Circenses.
After actually getting to read the book, I generally feel like I could have done a better job covering my predictions for the story of Suzanne Collins’s then-soon-to-come-out book Sunrise on the Reaping, and I generally was not confident in my text, even before it was published. My point still stands about the fact that in the Hunger Games world, we are the consumers watching the Hunger Games for entertainment, while real atrocities are happening right under our eyes. Others told me it was good, but I don’t really see it.
#11 – I Saw the TV Glow: A Trans Horror Movie.
I won’t even bother reading it again, to be honest. I have written so many better texts about I Saw the TV Glow, whenever the occasion presented itself, that I know this one is terrible compared to it. I just wrote a 1500 word essay about it and I had to remove about 700 words to almost fit the word objective (which was of 1000 words), and I could still have gone about it. It is such a good movie, and I do not feel like I did it justice with this text. Or maybe I did. I don’t know. I won’t bother reading it again.
#10 – Daylight Walk
This is the third “chapter” to a series of short stories I wrote last year. I feel like the writing is very simple and straightforward compared to the other stories of that series. The writing feels a little bit like it’s all bones and no meat. Everything goes from one thing to the next and every paragraph is very short, making it a very short short story. The depiction of abuse is also severely simple, and I would probably rewrite a few paragraphs towards the end.
#9 – Running on a Thin Thread
This is the fourth chapter of the series I was talking about. Like the previous text, it feels like there is a very childish depiction of abuse in life, but I think that the childishness helps the subject, as the ending implies—or at least, I tried to imply—that they would eventually become like their parents, repeating the cycle. I would probably try to give them a better ending though, where the girl breaks the chain and lives a better life on the other side of the river. I did like it more than the previous one, though.
#8 – Nothing Matters, Truly
This is a more recent one, from this last December. I went through so many iterations of that text, over so long, as short stories or poems or this or that, that the idea no longer feels original to talk about. Though I want to explore my nihilist tendencies to believe that nothing matters—which is why you should make the most of it—I feel like I can no longer talk about it without feeling like I’ve used up all of my ideas. Maybe it’s just me, but I just don’t think it’s my best work. All of it is true, and I still believe in what I said, but I feel like the twist is too fast; after a couple of paragraphs saying that nothing matters, suddenly “erm actually, it matters!” for no reason? It feels like I could have introduced the ideas a little bit more carefully, you know?
#7 – A Guide to A Loved One’s Coming Out—Collaboration with the LGBTQ+ club
It’s not bad; I just don’t really think about this text. It’s there, it exists, and it’s doing its thing.
I don’t really know what to think of it. The text overall feels pretty basic and obvious, though I have been in queer spaces for a long time, and the aim was to be understandable to a wide audience. I think I’ve learned a lot from this text, but I still don’t care about it much. I had to invent a quote or two because I had badly phrased a question, but since it’s true about my own life, I guess I can still count as a witness.
#6 – Held together by a Thread
This is the second chapter of the series I was talking about earlier. The first thing I would do is to rephrase “his patience was held by a thread” to “holding on by a thread;” I don’t know what I was thinking there. Some bits feel a bit awkward, but I feel like this text is a much better representation of what I wanted to write about earlier. Someone drunk and abusive who becomes dangerous, without realizing the harm he’s done, and then at the end, he regrets it. It’s not perfect, but I think it works well enough.
#5 – In Each Other’s Harms
I absolutely love gothic writing and gothic stories. I wanted to tell the love story between a ghost and a vampire, who both pretend to be humans so that the other one can love them, without realizing that they would both love each other more if they loved themselves first. I guess I also took some inspiration from the Neoclassicals, with a very clearly stated moral on the superior manner to live at the very end. I don’t hate it, which I guess is a nice thing, considering I tend to hate a lot of things I do.
#4 – My Night at the Cemetary
Believe it or not, this is a true story! I don’t believe it either, but these are the events that happened that night, put down on paper as best as I could remember, though I had to change some details that were not really relevant. My best friend still refuses to approach that cemetery, by the way. The cover picture I used for the website was also taken that very night, before we actually got around to playing Ouija. We didn’t know what would happen yet. We wouldn’t have taken a picture afterwards. When I sent her the text, before it was published, she said it felt like she was back there on that night, so I guess either I put things down really well or we both have a terrible memory. I guess the best stories are the ones we don’t have to imagine—though maybe the gas station worker had slipped something in my slush??? I don’t know.
#3 – Midnight Walk
This is the first chapter of the series I was talking about. It is a story without a plot; it tells the story of a young girl who goes on a walk at night, for whatever reason, and decides to go back when it’s getting too late in the morning. I think that my favorite part of the story is the ambiance. It’s dark, you don’t really know what’s happening; everything is dead and you’re just there, wondering why she’s there too. There are some hints, maybe she’s being abused or maybe dreaming means remembering bad memories, but you don’t really know, and the story ends without giving you an answer.
#2 – The World Forgets
Maybe it’s tinted by the memory, but this text is a very important text for me, as it feels more relevant than ever as queer rights are being taken away all around the world. It is a free-form poem (I like to convey an emotion more than perfect form) in which I tell the story of queer people, from the pink triangles of concentration camps to today, where it seems we are going back. A couple of months later, I decided to add another paragraph about two spirit people in America for the introduction and two paragraphs for the conclusion, where I talk about burning my words.
I translated and shortened the text, and read it at this year’s pride parade in front of a giant crowd. I was really scared, and almost didn’t do it two or three times, but I ended up doing it. We were allowed two minutes with the mic, before they would cut it off if you spoke for too long; everyone improvised a little speech in front of a mildly interested crowd. When I began speaking, according to my friends and family who were there, everyone was listening, silent for an entire five minutes; because they knew that what I had to say was important and that it was happening as we spoke. This text remains one of my most important texts, and I regret the fact that it is. I wish I did not have to talk about trans history so much, but it feels like no one cares about it when human rights are being taken away.
#1 – The Styx
The difficulty of mental health has always been an important subject to me and these texts have been heavily influenced by years of difficulties; followed by a difficult event that influenced the later texts while I was writing. I don’t want to talk too much about it, but when you read it, know that there are a lot of emotions behind each word that I chose. The first poem, “The Styx,” is particularly important for me.
Together, these seven poems use a gothic style and references to greek mythology to tell the story of someone who regrets their suicide, realizing that it was not yet their time to go, and eventually choosing to be reincarnated into the world; choosing life despite everything that happened before. I find this message very important and everytime I feel something dark overwhelming me, I think back to these emotions I wanted to convey, this desire to live despite everything else.
—
I know very few people read the journal. But if you’ve read all the one until here, it was really an honour, believe me. I am happy to have had the chance to write for this journal, despite hardships I’ve had to endure.
Thank you very much.
See you next time.
Was it shame or fear that forced her to hide them?
But someone arrives and promises you freedom.
She was there, held by a single thread—or rather, by rope.
Being openly queer is a scary thing.
YOU ARE KILLING US.
It was just trees for miles and miles again.
You said we would never suffer again.
“I asked her how she knew that she was a woman.”
She looked at me like I was stupid.
I doubt I will get to live to a hundred.
A self-hatred that could not be explained.
Farewell, my life, old forgotten tomes.
“Midnight Walk.” 4 Oct, 2024, https://lionslog.ca/2024/10/04/midnight-walk/
“Our Panem et Circenses.” 2 Nov, 2024, https://lionslog.ca/2024/11/02/our-panem-et-circenses/
“Held together by a Thread.” 6 Dec, 2024, https://lionslog.ca/2024/12/06/held-together-by-a-thread/
“I Saw the TV Glow: A Trans Horror Movie.” 14 Mar, 2025, https://lionslog.ca/2025/03/14/i-saw-the-tv-glow-a-trans-horror-movie/
“The World Forgets.” 4 Apr, 2025. https://lionslog.ca/2025/04/04/the-world-forgets/
“Daylight Walk.” 5 May, 2025. https://lionslog.ca/2025/05/05/daylight-walk/
“Running on a Thin Thread.” 5 May, 2025. https://lionslog.ca/2025/05/05/running-on-a-thin-thread/
“A Guide to A Loved One’s Coming Out—Collaboration with the LGBTQ+ club.” 6 Oct, 2025. https://lionslog.ca/2025/10/06/a-guide-to-a-loved-ones-coming-out-collaboration-with-the-lgbtq-club/
“My Night at the Cemetary.” 10 Nov, 2025. https://lionslog.ca/2025/11/10/my-night-at-the-cemetary/
“Nothing Matters, Truly.” 1 Dec, 2025. https://lionslog.ca/2025/12/01/nothing-matters-truly/
“In Each Other’s Harms.” 19 Feb, 2025. https://lionslog.ca/2026/02/19/in-each-others-harms/
“The Styx.” 26 Mar, 2025. https://lionslog.ca/2026/03/26/the-styx/
